


Damage

by somethin_random (wordsaremyfaith)



Category: The OC
Genre: Ficlet, Gen, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-10-14
Updated: 2004-10-14
Packaged: 2018-04-15 13:22:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4608315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wordsaremyfaith/pseuds/somethin_random
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How Ryan deals with his feelings post-season one finale.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Damage

Ryan punches the wall, for lack of any other outlet. Why doesn’t Seth get it?

He has just hung up the phone after a distressful call with Sandy. How can Seth leave? Ryan didn’t have a choice. Seth did. There’s a big difference.

Seth left a note for his parents and Summer. He didn’t leave a note for Ryan, and Ryan knows why.

Seth is in love with him. That’s why there’s no note, why Seth was so silent when Ryan said goodbye, why Seth left at all. Because he can’t handle being in Newport without Ryan. Even though he’s got Summer. How can one person be so selfish?

And why the fuck doesn’t Seth get it? Yeah, Ryan’s pissed, but mostly because Seth couldn’t talk to him about this. Ryan wouldn’t have been upset. He would have kissed Seth deeply, because it’s what he wanted, too. What he’d wanted since the day he saw the curly-haired boy sitting on the floor, offering him a video game and a chance. But Marissa just kept needing to be saved, and Ryan was never one for turning away a girl in need. And, yeah, he loved her. Eventually. He came to love her, but there was always a yearning in him for something _more_. Something more… distinctly Sethlike.

The past few weeks, he’d felt Seth returning his longing, but at that point he was in so deep. Once Marissa found out about Luke and Julie, and once he realized why she went to Chino, he couldn’t just let her suffer. And, of course, now Theresa needs him. Not just Theresa – the baby needs him. He can’t let this kid grow up like him. Why can’t Seth understand that? He’s not doing this because he wants to, damn it!

But, Seth being Seth, he’s completely oblivious. At times, Ryan wants to whisper into Seth’s ear, “Of course I love you. Why don’t you know that?” But at other times, he just wants to smash his fist into the wall and pretend it’s Seth’s face. So he does.

“What are you _doing_?” Theresa shrieks. When did she get home?

Ryan turns bright red and tries to cover up his handiwork. “Well, I, uh…”

She pushes him aside. “Look at the wall! Why would you do that? You know we don’t have much money! And now the wall needs to be repaired!” She shakes her head at him. “Honestly, Ryan. I know you miss him, but this is just irresponsible. Come on.”

 _She sounds like someone’s mother,_ Ryan thinks. _Then he thinks, she will be someone’s mother. And I’ll be someone’s father. I can’t even fathom that._

Because even if it’s Eddie’s baby, it’s his, and Ryan knows that. He lets Theresa lead him into the kitchen with the groceries. As she puts them away, he slumps into a chair. He’s so goddamn tired of this. And he’s only been back for three days.

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [](http://15minuteficlets.livejournal.com/profile)[**15minuteficlets**](http://15minuteficlets.livejournal.com/)' Word 75 (Frustration).


End file.
